For Always
by OnTheOutsideLookingIn
Summary: Childhood loves that end painfully are always hard, but at least they had the fragile promise of always binding them together forever. Bake AU oneshot, Brooke's POV


**A/N:** Hmm, this seems to be therapy for me lately… 'Can't get a decent update out for a multi-chapter story that's already losing readers tired of waiting two months for a bone thrown their way? Why, write a one-shot, of course!' Yes, this is Bake. It's not really AU; it can be in view of everything that's happened on OTH or just taken completely on its own. However, there will not be an update, Monica! ;) I have enough fics to worry about as it is. Hope that you all enjoy.

Brooke scanned the room nervously. Her first high school party was certainly turning out to be different than she'd imagined. She'd lost Peyton within moments of getting inside and random guys had been sidling up to her and offering her drinks ever since. She'd wisely declined most of them, noting the off color in a few and realizing that they were most likely drugged. Music thrummed throughout the room, pulsing through her bloodstream. Feelings of inadequacy had shrouded her from the moment she walked through the door, despite the fact that she was more developed and better dressed than most of the junior and senior girls in the room.

Her eyes finally rested on a familiar brunette and she smiled contentedly. If all else failed, she knew that she could always count on him to calm her nerves. He was, after all, the oldest friend that she had.

_Brooke clutched her Hello Kitty backpack and sank into her seat, staring wide-eyed at all of the other kids spilling into the classroom. Most of them greeted each other, recognizing their comrades from the playground. Brooke's nanny had never taken her to the playground; they'd spent hours inside or at the beach instead. She didn't know anyone, and she was attacked with taunting questions from that other person hiding in the back of her head. 'What if nobody likes you?' 'What if they think that you're stupid?' 'What if they all tease you about being a spoiled brat like that boy you met at daddy's party last year did?' _

_Suddenly a small, chubby brown-eyed boy with a head full of curly golden locks appeared in front of her desk. He smiled, displaying a mouth half full of empty gaps. "Hi, my name is Jake, and I wanted to come over and say hello, 'cause you look really lonely." Brooke immediately brightened, flashing her dimples. _

"_My name is Brooke." She stuck out her hand and he shook it, staring at her oddly._

"_You're not like the other girls I've seen. My daddy says that girls have cooties, but you seem really nice." Her grin was radiant, bolstered by the comment. _

"_You're really nice too. Thanks for talking to me."_

"So how are all of those upperclassmen girls treating you?" She whispered into his ear, sidling up to him. He grinned appreciatively, his eyes sliding over her before he brought them back up to her face self-consciously.

"You look really, really good Brooke. I'm glad that you decided to come."

"Well, I knew that you'd be here and I figured that I might give you something pleasant to look at before you drink the night away." Even in middle school Jake had been known for sneaking beer into parties, charming parents the minute they stepped into a room where questionable activities had been taking place the moment before. He was a troublemaker but a sincerely good guy, and the combination was unbeatable. Girls fell all over him, almost as eager to secure a date with him as with his best friend Nathan.

"Brooke, Brooke, Brooke… you know that I'd never leave you out in the cold with so many horny guys in here. They're all just dying to take advantage of pretty little things like you." She smiled seductively, twisting a lock of hair between her fingers. Her heart was beating wildly, but she pressed on anyway. When Brooke Davis made a claim, she lived up to it.

"_So have you ever… you know… done it?" The curly-haired blond blushed furiously, ducking her head. Brooke was slightly embarrassed by the question, but she expected it. Peyton had accompanied her to more than one party where Spin the Bottle was the featured attraction, and more than once Brooke and the guy of her choice had been stuck in the closet for well over the required thirty seconds._

"_No, I haven't. I figure that if I'm going to be a whore, I might as well wait until high school. You don't need to be de-virginized to be popular until then anyway." She laughed a little at the slightly shocked look on Peyton's face. _

"_High school does start next week." _

"_Of course it does; I can guarantee you that I'll no longer be a member of the Proud V club by the end of our second week." _

"_You're impossible!" _

"_I know, aren't I?" She flashed a mischievous grin, jumping off the bed and doing a quick cheer jump._

"So I have some plans for us tonight, and I figured that I'd better warn you before I seduce you," she commented, sliding her hand up his arm and across his chest.

"Brooke, let's not play this game. We've always been friends; why ruin that for some sordid mistake that won't even last that long?" She leaned closer, kissing his ear gently. She could almost see the way that he lost control when her breath, warm and damp, fanned against his neck. He wasn't as immune to her as he would've liked to make her think.

"Who says that the sex will ruin what we have instead of improving it? I prefer to think of it as a "friends with benefits" deal." He shut his eyes and groaned, completely still.

"You have no idea what you do to me." She could almost feel the blood racing through her veins, and she swallowed in anxiety, suddenly having second thoughts. True, she'd been planning this for awhile, but was Jake really the right person to do this with? He had a good heart, and the last thing that she wanted to do was treat it recklessly.

"_Jacob Jagieslki, we have been friends for years and you can't even tell me who it is that you're crushing on?" She rolled her eyes at him and blew a stream up air upward, temporarily making her bangs fly out. _

"_Well, it's someone that you're really close to. I don't want it to be weird between us because of who I like," he reasoned, looking down at his shoes and kicking the pavement. They both had late rides, and the parking lot was empty. She'd declined a ride from Peyton's dad so that she could spend some time catching up with Jake; middle school had pulled each of them into their separate, gender and talent-oriented cliques. She wasn't about to admit how much she'd missed him. Looking at the nervousness in his posturing, she couldn't help but add everything up. It was silly of her to not have figured it out beforehand really. _

"_Oh my god, is it Peyton? I always thought that the two of you would be perfect together!" She squealed loudly, wincing at the plastic edge in her voice. It felt like a million knives were stabbing her in the chest, and she had no idea why. _

"_Actually…" Jake looked up nervously before his eyes darted away again. "Yeah, that's it. I really like Peyton." Her stomach fell ten feet inside of her, but she pasted on a smile anyway. A car pulled up and she saw the woman in the driver's seat smile. _

"_Hey, honey. Do you need a ride home today?" Brooke nodded her head and grabbed her backpack before hopping into the backseat. Jake slipped in through the other door and they sat in an awkward silence all the way to her house. He never did make his move on Peyton, and it took awhile for her to figure out why. By that time, too much time had passed and too boys had had their names linked with hers for it to matter much._

She turned his face around until it was in line with hers and kissed his lips softly. His swift response shocked her, but gradually they eased into each other, alternating between soft and passionate. He slowly started stepping backwards, tugging her towards the stairs. Brooke followed without hesitation, smiling inwardly. Things were going just as planned. Who better to have your first time with than the guy who knew you best and who would never break your heart?

"_Hey," he said quietly, sitting down next to her on the curb. She turned away from him, trying to blink back the tears that were covering her face. _

"_Oh, Brooke. You don't have to try to hide it from me, you know? There's no reason to be embarrassed. If… if he hurt you than I'll kill him, I promise." She turned towards him, blinking softly. _

"_Thanks." She didn't say anymore, and he didn't ask her any questions. Bevin's thirteenth birthday party certainly hadn't gone according to plan. When Nathan Scott had been shoved into the closet with her during Seven Minutes in Heaven, she'd panicked. It hadn't been until he'd gotten a little bit too close for comfort that she'd made her exit, though. Peyton had called after her before turning back to Nathan; she'd heard their raised voices as she darted out the door. Her parents weren't home, and she and Peyton were supposed to spend the nigh at Bevin's. She had nowhere to go. _

"_Look, I'll call my mom, okay? We can drive you home, or we have a guest room if you don't feel like being by yourself all night, okay?" She smiled gratefully and nodded. _

"_That sounds really nice." He got up and walked back inside, coming out in after a few moments. She rested her head on his shoulder, surprised when he reached out for her hand. Her fingers tightened around his and she squeezed her eyes tightly, once again grateful that Jake had showed up to save her. _

The darkness surrounded them, seemed to close in on them. "Do you want to talk about what just happened?" She shook her head before realizing that he couldn't see her face. After finding the light switch she flipped it upwards, wincing at the blinding light that it covered the room in. It would've been better to lay cloaked in darkness, to make him believe that she was unreachable to him. As it was she was shamefully exposed and hurting much more than she'd expected to. It was only sex. It was only her first time. Why should Jake change any of that?

"Actually, I think I'm going to get dressed and find a bathroom. I'm, uh, bleeding a little and…" Tears threatened and she let out a whimper. She'd been so stupid, pushing them both into something that neither one was ready for. He rose up and came over to her, hugging her gingerly. She realized with a start that he was as unsure of what to do now as she was.

"I didn't hurt you, did I?" The fear in his voice touched her, and she shook her head softly.

"No, of course not. I… we were good together, I think." It was so awkward trying to fish for words to describe the range of emotions and physical sensations she was feeling when she wasn't even sure of everything herself. "Friends for always, right?" He smiled down at her, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

"For always, Brooke." She nodded and smiled up at him before reaching down and tugging her skirt up over her legs and zipping it. She noted with marked amusement that now was an interesting time to grow self-conscious about being undressed in front of him. He started to get dressed too, and she gave a small wave before walking out into the hall and running to the nearest bathroom. Thankfully, no one else was occupying it, and she locked herself inside, berating herself for _waving_ of all things. Running a hand through her hair she let out a small sigh, tugging on her shirt and fixing her makeup before leaving. Peyton suddenly appeared upstairs, visibly upset.

"What's wrong, bestest friend?"

"I just saw Nathan come up here with that senior girl Taylor," she managed, swallowing quickly. Brooke put a comforting arm around her shoulder.

"I'm sorry. I know that you really liked him."

"He isn't worth it anyway. Brooke, are you okay? You look kind of shaken up. Did something happen?" Brooke looked down, but Peyton had seen her expression. "Are you… I mean was tonight your… do you want to come over to my house and talk about it?" The brunette rolled her eyes in feigned amusement before starting to walk slowly with Peyton towards the stairs.

"No, silly, I don't need to talk. I've been having fabulous amazing sex, and I'm not going to give you any of the details until you get over your fear and get some yourself," she teased. They both knew that Brooke was nowhere near as well as she was pretending to be, but Peyton simply nodded and told her to call if she needed anything. When Brooke finally called at four thirty in the morning, Peyton picked up halfway through the first ring.

Brooke and Jake saw each other Monday morning and muttered a quick hello. Rumors were swirling around about the two of them, but people were also talking about her and Nathan and Peyton and Tim, so Peyton didn't ask her about it. Her best friend wasn't going to pressure her for any more details than she felt like giving, and Brooke was glad.

Something about hanging out with Jake after that first time made Brooke nervous, and in no time she had a steady rotation of guys. They were still friends, but their conversations changed. She found herself shying away from subjects of importance, trying to keep everything light. They did sleep together again, and she knew that it hurt him to see her constantly flirting with other guys, watch them kiss her and hold her and slip into dark corners with her. Their non-exclusive agreement hurt her as deeply as it hurt him, but it also offered her a protection that she couldn't have found if she'd bared her heart to him. It was difficult enough to explain to herself why she and Jake couldn't be together. It was always her, screwing things up and ripping them apart.

Suddenly it wasn't her keeping them apart. Nikki entered Jake's life that spring, mysterious in all of the maturity and dark sensuality that she radiated. It didn't take a genius to figure out that he was infatuated with her, and Brooke wasn't sure that she felt like sticking around to watch. Her visits to Jake's house, as sporadic as they'd been before, stopped altogether. She didn't want to have to look into his face with the sickening realization that every time he smiled, he was thinking of _her_; every time he gasped underneath her touch, he was thinking of _her_. In the back of her mind she realized that her actions were cruel, vindictive: only keep her end of the bargain for as long as he failed to maintain his. She wasn't quite sure what it was that brought her back to his house on the last day of school.

"You smell like erasers," she giggled, curling her fingers around his collar bones. "Someone's obviously been obsessing over finals."

"One of us has to," he murmured before leaving a feverish trail of kisses down her neck. She smoothed her hands through his hair, brushing her lips up against the corner of his mouth. "Tease," he accused, lifting her up so that she straddled him. For a moment she marveled in it, the imperfections of their movements – they were both so inexperienced, so unsure of themselves; but at the same time so comfortable with each other that it didn't seem to matter. She tilted her head and kissed him slightly, ending the moment.

Hours later she watched him, tracing his outline with her eyes. She wasn't quite sure how he'd fallen asleep, but his breath came in and out in powerful gusts after long intervals, and she smiled faintly when she realized that he was snoring softly. If she'd had to use a word to describe his slumbering form at that moment, it would've been vivid. He seemed closer to her now than he had when they'd been touching; it was sad in a strange and aching way that she wasn't quite ready to face. Thankfully, watching him was all she needed to fill the time. When his eyes finally fluttered open they were filled with seriousness. "Did you miss me?" she asked, reaching out to take a hold of his hand. Jake pulled away, his eyebrows joined together in thought.

"We can't keep on doing this. Maybe it doesn't hurt you, but it's practically killing me. I've loved you since we were five years old, and I… I thought that I couldn't bear to lose you and that _this_ would be somehow better than that, but instead I feel like I'm only getting a small part of you. I'm selfish, Brooke. I want to be able to walk up to you at practice and kiss you in front of all my teammates, to arrive at parties with you instead of just ending up in a poorly lit room with you at some point over the course of the night." She sat up suddenly as if waking from a nightmare and her arms curled around her knees.

"Don't talk like that, Jake. We're barely done with our freshman year; we don't even know what love is about. You have this image of me in your head that you're still convinced is real, and I just can't decide if I want to you to save me or to be pulled down with me," she snapped, curling a stray ringlet of raven-colored hair around her fingers.

"I know you better than anyone. I know your favorite color and that you sneak cookie dough in the middle of the night when you go on your ritual diets every spring and that even though you've been with half the players on the team, you're heart's not in it. I know that you're better than this and that in some way that I can't comprehend, there's still some innocence in you."

"That's where you're wrong. I'm sitting here in bed after fucking my childhood playmate on the final day of ninth grade. My birthday was last week, but my parents didn't even remember. I didn't either until I'd already let some guy whose name and face I can't even remember screw me over at a party I didn't feel like being at. I had to let Peyton get me home because I couldn't stand up straight. Tell your innocent little Brooke to come and say hi to me since apparently, we haven't been introduced." Jake blanched as if she'd slapped him, and she knew that she might as well have. Being with other boys in a public place where Jake might or might not see or find out from the rumors that floated around school was one thing; throwing it in his face for shock effect and to prove her point was entirely another. For a moment she was almost sorry. She swallowed it back before it got far enough for him to notice, to use it to further his point.

"I guess I am." There was silence for a long time, then: "Brooke, we should end this. I'm not the kind of guy that can be in such an open-ended relationship, and you obviously need a friend much more than a boyfriend. I met a girl, Nikki… I don't want to ruin that because neither of us can let go of this." Brooke nodded stiffly, getting out of bed with a blanket tucked around her still. After dressing quietly she ran a hand over her hair, pasting on a fake smile.

"So I'll be seeing you around, right?"

"Right," he replied, not looking her in the eye. In that moment it was all too terrible, the ugly truth of what she'd done to them. A strangled gasp escaped her mouth and she brought a hand up to cover it, instead finding that her sobs filled the room more clearly. His own eyes, so dark and brown and steadfast, were filled with tears.

"Brooke, please don't. I can't come over there to make it better, and I… you should go." She turned and fumbled with the doorknob for a good five minutes. "And Brooke…" She turned around instantly, a tearful smile wavering on her face. "… Friends for always, right?"

"Right," she whispered. "For always." There was a moment heavy with understanding, and then she reached blindly for the door and somehow managed to open it. She fiercely argued with the sickening feeling in her gut, convincing herself that by the end of their senior year she and Jake would be best friends sporting picture-perfect smiles all over again. And maybe… She pushed the thought down, recognizing it as a dream too perfect to ever really become reality. At least she always had the promise that they'd made. Hopefully it would prove to be enough.


End file.
